We Were Five
Frances, Scott, Laura, Andrew and I were what is now called a squad. We were always together.
I met Laura in 1971 when
she appeared on my doorstep the day I moved into our subdivision after Bell Canada
had transferred my father from Toronto to Ottawa. We ended up in the same schools until we graduated from high school. I met Frances that
year but deemed her “too bossy” to be my friend-- until 1976 when she became an
official best friend. Scott and Andrew
joined us when we were all selected for Grade six French Immersion. Back then it was an experimental program and the first participants' names were drawn from a hat.
Laura and Scott were the brains. Frances was our
Queen bee. Andrew and I were the funny ones. Christmas involved a gift exchange
and sparkling wine. High school
graduation and prom meant a shared table so those of us without dates (me,
Scott and Andrew – both half in the closet and me just out of a relationship) still went and had a blast. Birthdays involved at least a cake or
a restaurant meal.
I was lucky because if there was no one special in my life there was always someone to dance
with and go out on New Year’s Eve. Andrew and I spent a lot of time together –
out at Rocky Horror or dancing in gay bars. When we were home from university for the summer we spent hours at a local roadhouse drinking coffee.
After graduating from University we both settled back on Ottawa. We had both met people and started regular rotating dinner parties. He was an only child so occasionally his mother still cooked for him. One night we dropped the casserole on the floor and had to order pizza.
The day after I got engaged I kept our shopping date and we went to the Rideau Centre. We had so much fun! I bought a fancy dress and we had lunch at a pub.
It was a bittersweet time when I was planning my wedding. My mother had been diagnosed with colon cancer which had spread to her liver. Jim's mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer and died two months before our wedding.
One night we were at Andrew and John's for dinner and I went into the cupboard to find sweetener for my coffee. Instead, I found AZT. That was one of the original drugs to treat HIV infection.
I told my husband of my find when we got home. Ever the protector he said:
"Maybe he was just holding it for a friend".
A sweet gesture but we both knew it wasn't true.
The next time Andrew and I got together we were walking through little Italy - one of the best parts of his neighbourhood was the pastry and gelato shops and fantastic restaurants. He knew I saw his pills. He told me he didn't want to cause me stress when my mother was dying and that he had been diagnosed when he and John decided to move in together.
My first daughter, Bridget, was born in 1996. Andrew and his new partner, Peter, bought her an outfit from Baby Gap. Andrew and John had broken up. John was still in the closet and Andrew tired of being presented as "the roommate" while his parents repeatedly tried to set him up with women. He moved into his own apartment for a year then later joined Peter in Toronto.
I was able to visit Andrew often with Bridget. He got frailer and frailer. One night he went to sleep and didn't wake up. He died later in hospital from meningitis, one of the many opportunistic infections that happens when HIV turns to full-blown Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS).
I lost a lot when Andrew died. Andrew was one of the only people in my life who never told me to "calm down" or stop talking. He was funny, kind and devoted to his friends. He also did not want to hide the fact he had HIV/AIDS and made sure his obituary had the real cause of death.
Andrew's parents were devasted. He had been their whole life. Joan was alone for many years after her husband, Pat died of a heart attack. We went out for lunch on a regular basis. Sometimes I brought my two girls. They had never had the grandmother experience so Joan called herself Nana Joan and bought them Christmas gifts every year. After she died her niece gave me the ruby AIDS pin Joan had designed by a local jeweller.
Some people are taken from us too soon. Life isn't fair but one of the many lessons I learned from Andrew was to live life with integrity and above all, humour. Together we could quote every single Monty Python sketch. Everywhere we went together, we laughed.
I miss him every day.
After graduating from University we both settled back on Ottawa. We had both met people and started regular rotating dinner parties. He was an only child so occasionally his mother still cooked for him. One night we dropped the casserole on the floor and had to order pizza.
The day after I got engaged I kept our shopping date and we went to the Rideau Centre. We had so much fun! I bought a fancy dress and we had lunch at a pub.
It was a bittersweet time when I was planning my wedding. My mother had been diagnosed with colon cancer which had spread to her liver. Jim's mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer and died two months before our wedding.
One night we were at Andrew and John's for dinner and I went into the cupboard to find sweetener for my coffee. Instead, I found AZT. That was one of the original drugs to treat HIV infection.
I told my husband of my find when we got home. Ever the protector he said:
"Maybe he was just holding it for a friend".
A sweet gesture but we both knew it wasn't true.
The next time Andrew and I got together we were walking through little Italy - one of the best parts of his neighbourhood was the pastry and gelato shops and fantastic restaurants. He knew I saw his pills. He told me he didn't want to cause me stress when my mother was dying and that he had been diagnosed when he and John decided to move in together.
My first daughter, Bridget, was born in 1996. Andrew and his new partner, Peter, bought her an outfit from Baby Gap. Andrew and John had broken up. John was still in the closet and Andrew tired of being presented as "the roommate" while his parents repeatedly tried to set him up with women. He moved into his own apartment for a year then later joined Peter in Toronto.
I was able to visit Andrew often with Bridget. He got frailer and frailer. One night he went to sleep and didn't wake up. He died later in hospital from meningitis, one of the many opportunistic infections that happens when HIV turns to full-blown Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS).
I lost a lot when Andrew died. Andrew was one of the only people in my life who never told me to "calm down" or stop talking. He was funny, kind and devoted to his friends. He also did not want to hide the fact he had HIV/AIDS and made sure his obituary had the real cause of death.
Andrew's parents were devasted. He had been their whole life. Joan was alone for many years after her husband, Pat died of a heart attack. We went out for lunch on a regular basis. Sometimes I brought my two girls. They had never had the grandmother experience so Joan called herself Nana Joan and bought them Christmas gifts every year. After she died her niece gave me the ruby AIDS pin Joan had designed by a local jeweller.
Some people are taken from us too soon. Life isn't fair but one of the many lessons I learned from Andrew was to live life with integrity and above all, humour. Together we could quote every single Monty Python sketch. Everywhere we went together, we laughed.
I miss him every day.
-30-
awesome
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